Unschooling = Unrebellion

Parents today are doing the best they can with what they know, yet many are feeling empty and wondering why their kids do not like them or want to be around them.  We hear words like rebellion and chalk it up to normalcy, but what if there was nothing to rebel against?  What if we lived the respect for our children that we demand they have for us? What if we could recognize that punishments model meanness, that through using power to control another person, we are teaching them to do the same? It is though loving kindness and understanding that our children learn love and peace and in turn will reflect this back to the world.

Unschooling families do not deal with “rebellion” from their children because we are never the wall standing between them and their desires.  In fact, we see our role as helping our children get what they want in life. We move from power struggles and control to connection and partnership. When we make this shift, we discover the love and deep feelings of joy that we are naturally meant to experience as parents.

Adults interact with children very differently than they interact with adults.  They’re constantly training them: good job, bad job, don’t do that, do this.  This constant control and judgment is an unnatural way to interact with another human being whom you value and love. Children instinctually know this and feel the negative energy of control from the adults around them. Not only that, but living in a role viewing yourself as your child’s trainer, rather than their partner in life is exhausting and not pleasurable for either parent or child.  It is simply not conductive to a joyful family life.

Mainstream parenting is based in fear-of-the-future living rather than being present, in the Now. There is a huge distinction between the two viewpoints and contrasting ways of living with children.  People do not see training a child as being unkind, but it’s very frustrating for the child to have someone attempting to control their behavior all the time and never valuing or attempting to understand the true needs under their behavior. Children are not adults, and being in a relationship constantly preparing them for adulthood is damaging to a child and the parent/child relationship.

 Radical Unschooling is a parenting and educational philosophy on the leading-edge of new thought. It is based in instinctual wisdom, yet it is revolutionary. The partnership parenting paradigm is gaining momentum as we are evolving as humans at this point in history. Our culture needs to realize that how we treat our children is the most important responsibility we have to creating world peace. 

~Peace & Love, Dayna


  1. Laura Fletcher says

    I am an unschooling supporter and appreciate the work you are doing and think this is a mostly well stated blog post.

    I do, however, take issue with your wide generalization that “Unschooling families do not deal with “rebellion” from their children…”. I fear that making such an overarching statement is not in the best interest of the movement as it is an easily refutable statement. I would say something like – unschooled children have less to rebel against and so are happier and more productive – but your statement implies that unschooling is like a magic pill that if one unschools then rebellion will disappear.

    Please be careful in your statements about the wonderful world of unschooling as what you say has a big impact. Again, thanks for spreading the word and for your work.

    • Laura,

      I appreciate your comment and understand your perspective. I do, however, stand behind my original statement. If a family is living Radical Unschooling philosophy, I DO believe that rebellion will disappear. It isn’t a “magic pill,” but it is a way to live more peacefully and respectfully with children where you are living in partnership and never standing between them and their desires in life.

      ~Peace & Love, Dayna

  2. I am loving everything Dayna! I just had to tell you.

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