Audience: Dayna, you believe in having no rules when it comes to raising children. Can you explain?
Dayna Martin: That’s right. My kids have never lived with rules. Instead, we live by principles. Rules are often about externally motivating someone through force or punishment, and I believe in fostering internal motivation. I want my kids to be good people because it’s who they are, not because they fear consequences.
Audience: How old are your children?
Dayna: They’re six, nine, twelve, and fourteen.
Bethenny: My big thing is that rules are like boundaries—they’re there to protect kids and help them feel secure. I feel it’s our job as parents to guide them and push them toward a safe path. Isn’t that what boundaries are for?
Dayna: I completely understand that perspective, and I agree that there are natural boundaries in life. But I don’t think parents need to set arbitrary rules for children to learn about limits. Real-world boundaries are everywhere—they’re a natural part of life. Kids will experience them without us artificially imposing additional ones at home.
Bethenny: But there are rules in life—things you and I don’t necessarily want to do but still have to follow. That’s life, right? Adhering to rules is part of it.
Dayna: Absolutely, there are societal rules and expectations. My approach is about preparing my kids for those realities by fostering respect, communication, and understanding. Instead of saying, “Do this because I said so,” I help them understand the why behind things. This way, they’re empowered to navigate boundaries and rules in life thoughtfully and respectfully.
Dayna: No, I don’t believe in punishing my kids—or anyone I care about. Punishment models meanness, and I think it’s cruel and unnecessary. I don’t punish my husband, and I don’t believe it’s productive to punish children.
Audience Member: I don’t think we’re necessarily talking about punishment here. What about structure, guidance, and boundaries to help kids understand how to navigate life?
Dayna: I hear that a lot, but I think there’s a misunderstanding. My family respects natural boundaries—the real-life ones that exist in the world around us. What I don’t believe in is imposing arbitrary limits just for the sake of control.
Other Host: But what happens when they do something wrong? Are there consequences?
Dayna: Absolutely. But instead of punishment, we have conversations. We talk things through, listen to each other, and work toward understanding. It’s about connection and growth rather than control.
Audience Member: What’s a day like in your house? What time do your kids go to bed?
Dayna: They go to bed when they’re tired, which is often pretty late. My six-year-old might go to bed at one or two in the morning.
Audience Member: Oh my God! One or two in the morning? That doesn’t sound sustainable.
Dayna: It actually works really well for us. My kids sleep when they’re tired and wake up when they’re fully rested—usually around noon or 1 p.m. They get the same amount of sleep as kids on a more traditional schedule; it’s just shifted.
Audience Member: But what about future responsibilities? Isn’t this setting them up for challenges later in life?
Dayna: My kids already have responsibilities. For example, my son is an entrepreneur and runs his own business. He’s also part of a ski team, and on ski days, he wakes up at 8 or 9 a.m. because he’s internally motivated. He adjusts his schedule when it’s necessary.
Audience Member: No offense, but that’s ridiculous. Kids need discipline. Each child is different, sure, but some kids need stricter rules—or even to be spanked. That’s just how it is.
Dayna: I understand where you’re coming from because that’s how many of us were raised. But I’ve seen firsthand how kids thrive when they’re treated with respect and not controlled through fear or punishment. They become responsible, compassionate, and self-motivated.
Bethenny: It’s certainly a unique approach, and I can see it challenges a lot of traditional thinking. Dayna, thank you for sharing your perspective.
Dayna: Thank you for having me. It’s always great to have these conversations.