When you give to your children abundantly, from a place of pure love, they learn generosity, love and kindness. When you give to your children from a place of guilt, shame or fear, children learn to buy “love”. This is why people think that giving to children will “spoil” them. When a parent doesn’t know how to give love freely, they use “things” outside of themselves to replace loving, authentic connection. All beings “spoil” without giving and receiving real love, from the heart.
Somehow, in the evolution of humanity, we lost our way. We were told only bad will come if we give our children an abundant life, as those who were the example of this idea seemed to have “bad results.” from giving “things” to their children. However, the examples were set for us from those who didn’t give true, compassionate, connection-based, true LOVE to their children. They bought their kids things when they couldn’t be present through replacing themselves with “things” in their child’s need for connection. When a parent buys their child’s love, it isn’t really love their are buying. It is space and time apart from their child, and that is the opposite of love. The child is confused with this dynamic and begins to learn that love isn’t an emotional thing, it is a material thing. The warping of the human condition and the cycle of dysfunction begins when a parent does this and the idea of *giving* to our children is observed and judged through this common, dysfunctional example.
Giving in itself isn’t what “spoils” children. It isn’t through receiving toys or trips or new clothes that a child learns to expect that, selfishly. Buying your children those things as tools for their growth and passions is healthy and natural and models compassion, love and generosity. The important difference between the two examples is the INTENT in the giving. One replaces real love and one enhances it. One “spoils” (which means it hurts the child) and one enhances and expands the relationship and the individual. It is extremely important to understand the difference on the Unschooling path. Through love and connection there is no way to ever harm or create negativity in a child who has all of their needs met authentically through true love by their parent.
Has anyone given you a difficult time because you give abundantly to your children? Were you given things to replace love as a child? I’d love to hear your experience, so please share in the comments section.
Peace & Love, Dayna