Being Peace: The Bethenny Show Experience

Last week, I was invited to participate on a Mom’s panel on the Bethenny Frankel Show. 
The show flew me to NYC where I stayed at the swanky, Hudson Hotel. I met my Uncle for dinner that night where he lives in NYC, and then woke up to a snowstorm the day of the filming! The producer called me to see if I could film the show early and I agreed. So, instead of a leasurely morning, I was picked up by a car 15 minutes after I woke up and brought to CBS studios where I sat in hair and make-up for an hour and before I knew it, I was on stage. I was treated very well by producers and the entire CBS crew. The Bethenny Show was a great experience and I knew exactly what I was getting into when I agreed to be on the show. I stayed an extra night, due to the snow, and I had dinner with Pam, the other mother on stage with me. (She was the “strict” Mom.) We had some great discussion about parenting and she applauded my philosophy and agreed with much of how we choose to parent. It was great to open some minds through my appearance and I am grateful for the experience.

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Here are some comments from my Facebook page in response to the show:

          • Marie Benesch Wow, Dayna. Thanks for posting that. I really appreciate your calm presence & feel full of appreciation for what you’re doing on behalf of MY children and MY family. Thank you.
          • Ben Hider Her audience is old school. Glad you could waken them a bit.
          • Sam Hollister I think it comes on today at 3 EST
            Sam Hollister Gah, I just watched the previews. Dayna, you know how to stand your ground. I think I would have become a raging ball of fire.
          • Oona Lee Our local new [FB page: WISN 12 NEWS] posted a clip & asked people what they thought…
          • Oona Lee My guide says it’s on today at 11 am CST.
          • haha, people are so brainwashed.
            To add to the sleeping thing. After I graduated from HS, my hours immediately shifted from getting up at 6:45 AM to going to sleep around 4-5 AM and getting up at 2pm. It stayed that way for several years, slowly it naturally shifted to around 3AM – 11am for the last 8 years. It was only until recently when my wife started working part time that I had to get up at 7:30/8AM to help with our toddlers. And what happened? I did it. I changed a self-directed sleeping routine within 2 weeks, because I had to.

          • This idea that kids will be permanently damaged with an inability to wake up on time because they had the freedom their whole life to wake up when they want is so illogical. I applaud you. Something I probably couldn’t do without crying.
          • Josha Grant I interesting take away is how much people really don’t listen to each other!
          • You held it down Dayna!!!
          • Maggie Simonsen Wow. Sean watched it with me. We had to pause constantly so he could, in his own words, protest. I didn’t expect wife swap – after all, it is a short segment of dumbed-down television to begin with. BUT, what I did get clearly is that PINK mom will have a kid that NOBODY likes. When you model such rudeness, talking over others, answering questions loudly that were clearly meant for others, you are an impossible person and that is what you are modeling for your child. The middle of the road mom’s kids will be wishy-washy, ever doubting their own intuitions and where they truly stand in life. Dayna, you were the only one respectful and non combative. The audience members were in shock. Typical sheeple responses there. The sad thing is that on a show like that, you didn’t really get a chance to explain what it is you DO because you were constantly being attacked. Sean summed it up by saying everyone else was bullying you like kids in school. Kudos to you for not feeding into it. It was better that you modeled calm than making a case no one was prepared to hear. It is too bad Devin couldn’t be there. I think they should have done a show with the kids instead of the moms, LOL. I think Devin would have been laughing his ass off at the silly assertions made.
          • My wife watched it too and was homeschooled until 8th grade and was allowed to sleep whenever she wanted. She went to public school in the 8th grade, and she woke up when she had to. Just like she wakes up when she has to at her job now. Soooooooo irritating. People were “WAHHH, OOOO, OMG”‘ing only because of tradition & culture; certainly not by using reasoning, logic and rationalization.
          • Marie Benesch I honestly don’t understand the comment at the end. If a 6 yr. old sleeps too long they need to get a job?
          • Amy Nichols I love how clear and grounded you are in your principles Dayna. You are an inspiration.
          • Joshua Whitworth Based on that, the message is “Here is the unschooling mom, her message is quaint, but we live in a society of rules so get over it.” Did you get a rebuttal?

          • They applauded spanking? Well they just outed themselves as child abusers.

          • I love how you’re trying to talk about your children’s businesses, and that woman is trying to talk about how children are individuals with responsibilities.

            Thats like me commenting here telling you how you should post this video
          • Joni Sparks Kuhn It’s sad how ignorant people are. You handled it really well, Dayna.
          • Misty Bowsher-Vermillion I think deep down they wish they could live and make it work like your family does. We all have been brainwashed to do things a certain way which I think is why people nowadays are pretty miserable people going through life like a robot. My family doesn’t live like you but more often than not I wish we did…
          • Louie Auslander They don’t understand and seem to not want to even consider alterntive ways of thinking that is disturbing. My family happens to get up really early that is how we do it. Seems natural to us and that is better because we are up earlier how ? Although oddly for much of my life i was a night person then it switched because of work and now i’m a real early person but that comes natural to me not because of the systems that i was working in. Wow tough crowd is the whole show on somewhere to view I don’t watch tv much but I support what your doing and would like to see the rest of this episode. Keep up the good work!
          • Kristen Tea Dayna Martin, you rule. It’s pretty entertaining to see how much your ideas SCARE the shit outta people  They are so scared of the idea of letting a child go to bed when the child is tired, or not punishing kids into compliance, or just plain treating children like real humans. The proof is in the pudding– your family is awesome, full of love and respect. Great job! Thanks for being a voice for those of us who dare to parent differently
          • Krista Eger It’s hilarious to me that people think if you choose your own bed time that you’re incapable of changing it. If they end up needing to wake up at a different hour, obviously they can start going to bed earlier and waking up earlier. I don’t understand their logic. They just want control. Going to bed later only matters if they have to wake up for school and are missing out on sleep because of it.
          • Aisha Oni Alayande I don’t think many of them understood how silly they sounded.
          • Sarina Gray That has to be the bravest thing I have seen today.that audience looked like they could rip your throat out. I hope that one person left that audience yesterday seeing they had a choice.
          • Sarina Gray Can we view the whole show somewhere?
          • Linda Marie I don’t know how you have the energy and patience to deal with such ignorance. Wow, how draining trying to speak to a crowd that cheers for hitting kids. But you’re getting an important message out and opening minds all the time. At least, those minds capable of being opened.
            My kids’ natural sleep cycle is also going to bed between 12 and 2am. It works for our family. Not sure why that bothers people.
          • Skylar Tobin Waiting for it to air at 3pm here…..
          • Pree James you’re amazing Dayna. FULL RESPECT
          • Louie Auslander Some seriously do not like that most people see hitting as not acceptable. Now if they do not see hitting as wrong it is going to be tough teaching them about all their verbal abuses. In time all will be well in time …. I do see it getting better so I’m happy!
          • Louise Teather Their ears were closed! K
          • Jodi Stevens WOW, I give you major props. There is no way I’d have been able to keep my cool like you did.
          • Jodi Krentzman The moms who were arguing with you sounded uneducated, closed minded and repetitive! The proved all of your points without even meaning to! You are an asset to the parenting community!
          • Maryanne Jacobs ♡ Awesome dayna ♡ Your calmness & honesty blew them out of their comfort zone x hope I can find somewhere to watch full show x
          • Tabatha Lynn Go to bed late-must have no responsibility. OK!
          • Nikki Wray · Friends with Stefan Molyneux and 9 others
            Wow Dayna I was intimidated just watching this. You are brave and thanks for sharing the message that kids don’t need arbitrary rules from the people that are supposed to love them the most. They failed to listen to your comment about your kids getting up early when they are internally motivated to do so. I very nearly cried when everyone cheered about spanking being necessary for some kids. Keep doing what you are doing and we all support you and thank you!
          • Lisa Reseter Wow. The comments on her page are just mean.
          • It blows me away that allowing your children to choose their own bedtime sparks outrage, while everyone cheers at the suggestion that children need to be hit.
          • Tokeli Baker they just don’t get it. oh well. keep on truckin’ Dayna, you do your thing… I’m w/ya.
          • Kaleb Asplund Great work Dayna, as always. The comments on Bethenny’s page are mostly continuations of the outrage that we see in the clip, but one powerful thing you do is give other parents – who mostly think of themselves as conventional – a place to talk about the situations where they stretch the boundaries. One lady talks about how prior to going to school, her kids stayed up til 10 or 11 all the time and she really treasured that time. Without you, those stories stay unheard, so kudos!
          • Stacy Stubbs · 2 mutual friends

            They were so aggressive! That’s the ultimate outcome of rules and control systems: fear and aggression.
          • Amy Knight Francoeur You’re grace and confidence inspire me, girl. You’ve got my support up here in Maine. . 

            Oh and Scarlett (my 2.5-year-old daughter) said she wants to go on the carousel in the Maine Mall with you. lol.
          • David Maple I always find it so interesting that people care so much about when your kids go to bed. I’ve never been invested in judging the way others choose to live and it seems natural that on a planet of billions there would be billions of different ways to live. I guess it just challenges the fabric of their universe.
          • Kimberly Minton Freeman Glad I’m not being raised by any of those parents. 
            I wish they had understood that you don’t HAVE to be a homeschooler to be a peaceful attached parent. I have a child that has chosen HS and a child that has chosen public school. I parent both the same. It’s about respecting your child as an individual thinking being and letting them choose their life path with gentle guidance, life educating them and love. 
            What is so scary or hard to understand in that. Pity. Just a pity. When you know better, you should do better.
          • Kimberly Minton Freeman Yes! Fear and aggression closes the mind and the heart and the ears and the soul. They are doing the same to their children.
          • Ida Robinson Streeter I wish this clip told who each one of you are and how your children are schooled… I think agree or disagree this clip is going to be taken out of context because they don’t know your kids are unschooled
          • Love to you, Dayna. You handled yourself so well. I can’t wait to watch the whole thing. Recording it this afternoon!

          • Kimberly Minton Freeman Mine are homeschool and Public schooled. I think focusing on that is missing the point of Peaceful attachment parenting.
          • zOMG 2 AM? that’s about the time my 1 year old is waking up for the second time.
          • Rachel Pless Omg I just died a little… Those women.. You held your ground so well!!!
          • Rachel Pless I need the full episode
          • Maria Madon Some people just freak out when they hear about a different way of doing things, outside the norm. Its human nature to want to just follow the pack and do what everyone else does. Because that must be the right way. Those people obviously weren’t even listening to you, they were just waiting for their turn to tell you that you’re wrong.
          • Ria Barnett They keep talking about the Real World – it’s like they’ve never heard of anyone working the night shift. LOL
          • Doug Hawks · Friends with Jeff Berwick and 9 others
            ^invoking the “real world” on a daytime talk show. XD too much
          • Louise Teather That’s exactly what I was thinking Ria!
          • wow. interesting points of view. bravo to you, Dayna for keeping your head and sharing your views.
          • “Some kids do well with talking to and some just need to be spanked!” Yeah… Then how is it even remotely mathematically possible that so many of us on this path managed to get “lucky” enough to have kids who never “need” to be hit?? OMG!
          • Is there a link to the full show?
          • I think you did really well. Well done x
          • Layna Tiller You are so brave!! Thank you for putting yourself in so many of these uncomfortable situations, it might not have seemed like it in that room, but I know you made some people THINK!! My goodness, the conditioning and control issues people have is crazy! No one seemed to be open minded enough to even hear you out! And the applauding for child abuse!! Whew!!
          • Rachel Pless “We talk about it” lol who would have thought?! Talking things out… Lol
          • Teresa Knutson I’m amazed at how well you handled all the attacks!! You are amazing!!
          • Abigail Clark Hidden Dayna Martin do you think that any of the “argument”, maybe resistance is a better word, you get from “traditional” parents/parenting is motivated (conscience or not) by the adults’ NEED for the kids, and their lives, fit with/sync up with the adults responsibilities, jobs, way of life?? i feel that alot of their freaking out is because they figure your kids arent making it to school on time or making you late for your career outside the home because they’re oversleeping form being up “soo late” ….. not to say it’s right, cuz we do life a lot more like you and yours than the other women you were filmed with… we’re learning and trying more fairness/respect/peace vs. the hard and fast “rules” (and fear) that my husband and I grew up.. and it is working for us … but it’s hard to not revert/REACT w/ what we ever knew .. you know “old habits die hard”?!? but thank you for keeping your cool, and not coming across loony (despite what editing might have hoped for) because you did an amazing job practicing what you preach, and that “aint easy” … and only helping the movement for changes in parenting and options in parenting more acceptable and hopefully, eventually the norm
          • Wow Dayna!! You sure did create a firestorm! Lol reading some of the comments I can’t help but SMH! It just proves that many people are MEAN and still stuck in that “high mentality” of name calling and shaming. Somewhere deep down inside they prob are sad that nobody wanted to give them the time,love and attention they they so deserved when they were little. I wish someone had cared enough about me to give me the freedom that you give to your kids. You are an amazing, loving mother and parent
          • Aimee Stancil You did a great job Dayna! You are standing out among women hanging out out on a talk show. Why aren’t they spending that time with their kids? Once again they have their children conforming to their schedule!
          • Nellie Ann · 

            Oh my lord, those ladies are so stuck. I totally respect how you kept your composure. I don’t see a lot of intelligent debate or critical analyses. I just see power-tripping moms.
          • Amber Ehrecke Tabangay You are beautiful and fearless, my friend!! Well done Dayna!
          • Nev Trent I love how everyone gasps as if you’d just killed someone when you say your kids go to bed sometimes at 2am. Most kids go to bed at 2 or later from time to time when they’re in public school. I know I was up that late all the time at 6 years old and I was in public school! You did an amazing job as always Dayna
          • Alice Boll I pretty much had to stop believing in bed time… it doesn’t work for my kids, they’d just stay up. My only requirement is that it not be painful to wake them up in the morning when we have activities to go to. I’ll recommend they go to bed, but I can’t MAKE them sleep!
          • Rusana Ru People will understand one day,it’s just their reaction because they are scared to do something out of norm,some kind of protection.Thank you so much Dayna! i’m learning from you something new every day.
          • My 4 year old goes to bed between 2-3 am. Cuz that’s when I go to bed.
          • These people are disguising.. I’m kinda scared that you had to be subjected to people literally praising and glorifying spanking as a necessary parental methodology, and that they lashed out quickly to anyone (you) who disagrees.
          • Nicole Roshon ·Dayna you are one hell of a woman!! The typical mentality of most people and especially those in this video made me sick to my stomach. I wanted to jump through the screen to cheerlead for you!!
          • Alicia Myklebust Steffens · 

            I don’t like that they made you look so…cookie cutter. Where’s the head band? Where’s the flare? You don’t even have color! LOL! 

            I remember just laying in bed awake for 2-3 hours before falling asleep. But I couldn’t get up or else I’d get a spanking. It was HORRIBLE!
          • I would like to encourage everyone to make more supportive comments on this YouTube video. I am typing one up now. Strength in numbers folks!!
          • Zack Sunday You were in a room full of dummies. Will there be a full show online eventually?
          • Susan Youshock Pruyn Wow dayna!! So amazing to see the conditioning. So inspiring to see you speak your truth
          • Kuddos to you, bc hearing a woman say some kids need to be Spanked & then listening to said woman garner applause with that comment, mks me physically ill!
          • Ryan Lazarus · 

            This is so disturbing. People are cheering when someone promotes hitting their children? WTF?! Dayna, thank you for challenging them.
          • Tara Mowbray they are all speaking in the old paradigm…guess they did not get the memo we are moving in to the new paradigm now..unbelievable…k
          • Nikhil Goyal ·Thank you for your courage and apologies for being forced to listen to those simpletons spew nonsense.
          • Nancy Suzanne Hall My 13 year old heard me listening to this (he recognizes Dayna’s voice) and said, “Are they all bashing her?” “Those bitches.” ……Should I spank him?
          • Those people! I don’t know how you handled them.
          • Angela Prince Seigler I forget how far from “mainstream” we have become, until I see something like this!
          • Trisha Lynn · Friends with Devin Martin and 21 others
            wow!! Dayna ,Joe Martin. Dayna you are such a powerhouse!! Ever since the RE conference you guys have inspired me to do better. To let go of all boundaries, and to just live!! Thank you!!
          • Ivette Aleman My comment on youtube for this video: “Authentic parenting = Respecting your children’s rights as human beings. It’s that simple!”
          • I think time will tell. Empirical evidence suggests that firm structures and a workload that in today’s standards would be high, produces the most successful children. Masters of music, martial arts, and the sciences, begin early with many hours of practice which parents force them into doing. Why leave it up to chance and genetics when you can mold your offspring for success? It is why the lioness plays with her cubs, why the wolf goes on the hunt with its pups… To teach and train their offspring to excel. 

            As I said, time will tell whether her children will be well rounded successful adults or sociopaths.
          • Jennifer Mallory Didn’t you know it’s a sin to sleep in! Heaven forbid we do something others don’t have the ability to do. I don’t know how you stayed calm through all that ignorance, can’t wait to see more. Keep spreading the message of love and equality!!
          • i could spank that woman with my wooden hands
          • Jennifer Mallory Wish i would have known it was coming on today.
          • Dayna Martin it doesn’t air here in NH until tomorrow.
          • Chrissie Mathis Johnson You are an inspiration!
          • Jennifer Mallory Ugh, I only missed it by 2 hours.
          •  

             

            “Dr. Laura….How do you hold a child accountable for her behavior without punis…See More
          • Rebecca Dwyer Wait what I saw the Bethany show today at ten I’m in New Hampshire are you talking about something else. The show ended abruptly it went to another segment and you didn’t get to really explain they focused on the bedtime not the whole concept . It was lime they heard that put their fingers in their ears and went la la la.
          • Kelly N Jason Burghart I’ve only seen this smidgen of the show so far, but was Bethenny, at least, supportive? I mean, she is “Miss No Limits,” isn’t she?

            ” “Bethenny Frankel brings her uniquely honest, unfiltered and playful perspective to her very own syndicated daytime talk show, “bethenny.” Encouraging her audience to love and accept themselves while taking risks to make an impact on their own lives, as well as their family, their friends and on their communities, Bethenny orchestrates it all while maintaining a sense of humor, candidness and distinctive voice and point of view — always coming from a place of YES.

            The show will cover the topics that women care about most; from love and relationships to celebrities and pop culture and to beauty and fitness, all through Bethenny’s own relatable personal and professional life experiences. From fun and spontaneous celebrity interviews to informative takeaways on health and relationship issues, “bethenny” is quickly becoming the go-to destination for women every day to learn, laugh, feel inspired and be transformed and ultimately, in Bethenny’s words, “always go for it.” “
          • Nena Ellis Dayna, something I really appreciate about you from watching you in these situations over time, when you are challenged, your calm demeanor, grace and poise along with your ability to give a very smart and reasonable response has a very neutralizing effect. You provide calm in a sea of fear. So thank you for being that for so many people.
          • Love how worked up people get! When their kids are working for yours some day, they will be speechless!!
          • Monica Cicere Ludwig I felt like you were in the mean girl room. Bethany should have had someone else that is an unschooler as well…more like a panel of people…what peeps will do for ratings…not cool!
          • Woz Flint Dayna, you are exceptional at what you do. You kept your calm and responded flawlessly. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again…I love that you are out there spreading this message. The world so needs you.
          • Krystal O’Connor Spears Dayna Martin is my idol! Lol didn’t think it might age I’d still be idolizing other people
          • So close-minded, wow!
          • Abigail Clark Hidden I have been thinking, really wish I’d seen it so to not have to ask, but did ANYONE ask a thoughtful question of you and Unschooling and peaceful parenting?? like, “how is this working for you?” .. or “how does it work for your kids?” ..that type of thing … or for advice on how to start this in their own world??
          • Eric Ulness ·wasnt it the same day as the “real housewives of someplace”? I would think that audience would be tough to penetrate when they love “drama” in their relationships

          • Eric Ulness · 

            or atleast are entertained by miscommunication, he said she said crap
          • Carol Camden You recharge me !!
          • I love how you held your ground calmly and graciously. I parent the same way and all the points you made were true and if they just took the time to really see the bigger picture of what it is you’re doing, they might see it differently but like you said, we were conditioned to believe that fear based parenting is the way to go. I also believe its conditioning to have them accept the oppressiveness of the world, to obey authority, conform etc.

            When my son was really little I never spanked him or slapped his hand like people told me to do. I explained to the people around me who noticed I didn’t do those things that by spanking him or slapping his hand, I am teaching that if someone does something that he doesn’t agree with, he should hit them. People wonder why their two year old is hitting them or going around hitting other kids. Of course my stance on no spanking started a major debate and people would go on and on saying its “needed discipline” but its not. I also never yelled at him to do what I wanted him to do because I didn’t think he would benefit from it and its not my place to force him to do anything he isn’t ready or doesn’t want to do. I would kneel down and talk to him like the human being he is and have a conversation with him. Kids really benefit from communication, not threats and loud demands. From the very beginning I treated my son as an equal. I am not above or below him. My dad treated me this way and told me how he wasn’t in my life to tell me what to do or how to do it. He never punished me for “mistakes”. He knew that no matter what he said, I was going to do what I wanted to do and mistakes are only lessons that help us grow. My son is now 10 and everyone comments on the kind of person he is, how polite and respectful he is, how caring and compassionate he is and how he wise beyond his years. They ask me what my secret is. I always can’t help but grin and say, “I don’t use fear based parenting, I treat him as my equal and give him the space he needs to grow.”

            Keep doing what you’re doing Dayna. It’s so courageous and I am in awe, inspired and empowered by it all. I actually just seen this Gandhi quote before watching this and it kind of rings true for it all.

            “First they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you. Then you win.”
          • Carina Merritt · Friends with Gloria Lemay and 2 others
            Oh goodness.. What a rude audience.
          • Corey O’Brien · I admire your composure and you vocalizing your principles so effectively despite being a room full of women who do not even seem to respect an opposing point of view. It’s crazy, because open mindedness could be the difference between a power-struggle relationship with their children and an empathetic one.
          • LOVE YOU…you’re a great example for me personally!
          • Ryan Orrock · Friends with Stefan Molyneux and 6 others
            Funny how ‘extreme parenting’ is not being violent. Such is our world.
          • Holly Mills Dayna Martin you may have already posted this but i didnt see it, Where can we see the full episode?
          • Shelly Szydlowski Freberg Dayna!! Grace under fire! GRACE AND love under fire!! I love ya!!
          • Jaimi Meyer you are awesomely brave! i love it!
          • Angie Morehead I so wish there was a “love” clickable! Dayna, I admire you so very much! You and Joe Martin are amazing parents. What surprised me was that most people think you and your children are lazy! What they don’t get is that it’s just the opposite! Keep up the good work/message
          • Tamrha WitchoftheEast Gatti Richardson Such calm and peace emits from you, even there! Go Dayna!! Yay!!!
          • Jessica Menendez Meinhofer Thank you for sharing. The audience members crack me up. If your kids don’t go to school who cares what time they wake up!!! They have the luxury of doing whatever they want to do in the afternoon. I tend to put my kiddos to bed early, but they are for the most part ready to go to bed early. Also, I work from home at night, so I don’t know how I would have my 5 and 2 year olds running around while I’m writing SOPs…
          • Marshall Burtcher Wow. Finally someone that thinks the way I do about parenting, discipline and schedules. We’re raising adults, not children!
          • I am currently watching on my DVR. The lady in the green sweater just came on and I love that you had support in that audience. The drama makes my head hurt but I’m trying to power through it. Lol
          • Rebecca Dwyer Carol Camden perfect way to put it Dayan defiantly recharges me too!
          • Kerri Jerome Their (audience) reaction comes from a place of fear. Dayna, your replies come from a place of honour, respect and love for the human race. I admire your class and I know I do not stand alone when saying how blessed I am to have you as a mentor and a trail blazer in a topic so dear to me and my family, for generations to come. For every sigh, roll of the eyes or gasp you received, you reached the minds and hearts of just as many who’s minds are reeling with the idea that there ARE other options to parenting and coexisting that need not come from a place of violence, greed, hate, disrespect, etc. Bless your wonderful heart for pursuing your truth, and bless your family and friends for edging you along and inspiring you.
          • You handled yourself beautifully, and handled them with a respectful sense of serenity. You rock, Miss Dayna.
          • Jeff Mustard More evidence that mainstream America is completely screwed…I suspect mainstream Australia as well….
          • Elizabeth Martin Handler Anyone find it ironic that part of the show title is ‘no limits’ and the audience- the majority at least are pushing limits?
          • Isabel Del Rosal Wow! you certainly know how to hold your own and keep your head on. I just learned so much watching you advocate for your beliefs without fear, anger or admonishment. That cannot be easy and that certainly didn’t look like an easy crowd. Beautiful work. Amazing to see a woman in her power. Very very proud of you Dayna.
          • Sheila Soule’ I have come a long way from being “all parenty” as my teen son calls me (3 kids older, 1 younger) n& bottom line: we need to raise them the way we feel us best for them. People get so emotional about how you or I raise our kids! Erg!
          • Well done Dayna!
          • Erica Whiley Dayna, you are awesome 
            I am shaking just watching that!!!
          • Diane Belove Barrett · Friends with Joe Martin
            That heat would be hard to take but did great. My Mom hates that we have odd very late bed times to. They have no clue what responsible is.
          • Frankie Travis I am breathing heavy just watching that little clip. NYC is so intense …”SPANKED”….I don’t know how you remain even.
          • Deba Harper Way to go Dayna Martin you were cool in the fire. It’s unfortunate that we are so conditioned in this society to fit ourselves in the box of the establishment. Our children know who they are and parents should be on the quest to learn from them as we s…See More
          • Bobbi Dyar You held yourself so well Dayna. I would have been livid with those people.
          • Marie Elise Merchant · where can i get the entire episode?? i love it! way to go dayna! What a great show. I feel like they didn’t give you a good chance to explain your style.

        •  

          • Rebecca Dwyer I agree . My 14 year ol son thought it was great you kept your smile I agreed. My 12 year old was really upset the lady kept talking over .
          • Lisa Reseter There is a lady on the bethenny page thread that is saying we follow you like you are our God. She is very hateful.
          •  

      Glyn Mills Fair comment I’d say. Results are the answer to criticsm

    • Lacie Lyons I have Soooo many positive things to say in response to this
    • Shanna Hough If some one criticizes you for how you raise your kids their not a true friend every kid is different different thing work with different family . my friend Jessie Set no boundaries and her kids do great in school tell one got kicked out for turning in a kid selling Drugs at a jr high and started home schooling on a at your on pace program .
    • John Gibbs As a parent you know. 
      and what works for some doesn’t work for others
    • HE Sparkle Pants my children go to sleep pretty much when they like. the problemwith society is they are conditioned to think thats when you go to bed thats when you get up. doesn’t mean they don’t have responsibilities or need to be spanked. Childism at it’s best. The people in the crowd should have been bleeped over with ‘bahh bahh bahh. everyone,every child, every family are unique
      Ianna Melody Violet I used to love this but am now acutely aware that Ss believe it’s neglect. So now I’m fostering I have to show ‘reasonable times’ especially as they can knock on my door in the morning and if the kids were still in bed they wouldn’t believe that’s conducive to an educTion  I’m not enjoying the change at all and they r struggling with it too. Really hoping I get guardianship so they can disappear from our lives!!!!
    • Emma Rosser O nooooooooooo that must feel so alien Ianna
    • Ianna Melody Violet It’s crap. It actually happened to one home ed mum. Her young kids were up passed 11pm and that was the basis of the neglect move Ss made on her. I’m paranoid now abut neighbours hearing them etc.
    • Emma Rosser Thats ridiculous!!Awww Ianna im so sorry. x
    • Katie George Whilst I believe this may actually work for some children particularly if they are self motivated a no boundry rule in our house would be all out war!!.. No routine ( and we are not talking restrictive routine here) and it’s free for all.
    • Emma Rosser Awwww…….x Its the best thing/way I found for Jord
    • Christine Chudleigh Lowe I wish we could live like you Emma, but like Katie just said, if I didn’t have boundaries in our house (just basic one’s) then my two would run rings around me, I have always had to have some kind of structure or my two would never cope in the long term  But that’s children for you, each one different and each have their own individual coping strategies, Tom can only work with structure or he gets in a mess, whereas Josh is more adaptable. As for bed times Tom has always gone to bed early (his choice as he gets up very early 6am!!) Josh is up all hours as most of the time if having fits, he sleeps through the day! Nightmare then as I am awake all hours with him! But I still have the few lovely people who pass comments about how late Josh is up, but instead of worrying about it like I used to, I just put it down to their ignorance as they have no idea as to how the seizures affect his sleep patterns! So by choice I would like the kids to learn and act as they would like, but in reality I don’t have that luxury with my two  xxx
    • Ianna Melody Violet Christine u must b shattered tho. Xx
    • Christine Chudleigh Lowe Yes you could say that Ianna, find it hard on times as Bryan is working all hours so its down to me to keep things running at home, but I can’t complain at least he has a job especially these days! I think I run on auto pilot now  xxx
    • Ianna Melody Violet 6am is like night time to me lol . I’m really crap before 8
    • Christine Chudleigh Lowe You and me both Ianna, but Tom has always been like it since he was small…when he gets up we are all up  Except for Josh  Lol xxx
    • Emma Rosser Christine Lowe seriously people pass comment about Josh being awake then sleeping in the day…..thats so wrong….do they think he asks to have fits or something :0  Some nights Jord l take himself to bed by 9pm but other nights stil awake gone 1 but he isnt a late sleeper whatever time he goes to sleep. I hate mornings I so bad at them lol.
    • Christine Chudleigh Lowe Lol, yes still get a lot of silly comments Emma, not just about his sleep pattern about home educating as well…but these days I just rise above it all, no point in worrying like I used to do and make myself ill. These days I just roll my eyes and shake my head and laugh!! Lol xx As for mornings I hate them, more of a night owl  xxx
    • Emma Rosser O man, I get the usual questions and comments about home ed but id be livid if they passed comment on say Jords tourettes or something!
    • Christine Chudleigh Lowe Put it down to their ignorance Emma!! xxx
    • Dani Morinello I find this very interesting. I absolutely believe in listening to a child needs. We don’t have forced meal times but we do have a bedtime. I consider myself very mindful. I don’t force things on them and my home is very child directed. bedtime around here is a must!!! . But my children do have morning programs they attend. I wonder about the one or two am because If you wake up at 1 pm from falling asleep so late(or early lol) than half your day is gone according to business hours. So I wonder if this is really setting them up for challenges later in life. I work from home, own my own business and serious mom entrepreneur but if my kids have a late morning or I start my day slow before I know it places are closed and my work gets pushed to another day. I completely agree with encourages the child to find their time to complete tasks. Wish she was given more time to explain in detail how she makes this work and how she plans to help them be intuitive as they transition into adult hood.
    • Jen Hayes Do you know what Emma. You have taught me alot. I have totally backed off on my eldest with bedtimes, (even though he was already going to sleep far later than I did at his age) knowing…like me…he needs longer to wind down from the day. I’ve been this way for many months now and it’s working. xx
    • Emma Rosser Hi Dani Morinello, the children in the family on here at least two already have and run their own businesses and they are both under age 15. If you look for The Sparkling Martins on google Dayna Martin has a blog and goes into it a lot more
    • Emma Rosser Jen Hayes thanks….I find it workd too plus they feel trusted and able to make choices for themself
    • Emma Rosser *works ^^^^^ not workd

    • Jamie Schaffer We didn’t get it here in Minnesota, so probably today, also.
    • Sherri Kirkpatrick I turned on the tv to watch it yesterday at 10am EST but it wasn’t on. I have since found out that it is on at 3am EST through my cable company. Well, I work Fridays so I was unable to watch it early this morning so I’m hoping that I’ll be able to find it online somewhere. I have no clue why it’s on at 3am here?
    • Jamie Schaffer it is on at 11 am here in MN. they rerun it at different times
    • Sherri Kirkpatrick The 3am EST time for my location in Ohio was not a rerun though. They actually don’t show Bethenny in the morning here. It’s only on at 3am. Maybe her ratings aren’t as high here? Who knows? I want to see it though! I did listen to Dayna’s radio show on Wednesday evening. It was very good!
    • Kelly Beaulieu Graves I saw some yesterday and I give u a lot of props those woman were so mad. I may not agree with all you do but it’s ur choice and if it works for ur family more power to you.
    • Amy Altshuler Blackburn Is it on channel 8? That’s not what the info guide says. Saw 2 clips but would love to see the whole show. Congrats to you! I love how you portray yourself and your values/ beliefs!!!!
    • Marcy Mac Joustra I am seeing La La Anthony ? Love play book?
    • Abigail Clark Hidden BOO.. IT’S REAL HOUSEWIVES JUNK
    • Laurie Huntley Tag: Kensi Pierce, love this for “someday” for you!
    • Kimberly Minton Freeman It wasn’t on in Alabama yesterday. And today is Lala Anthony and NFL stuff. Dang it.
    • Jamie Schaffer I’ll bet a lot of the tv viewers will relate to what Dayna says. Maybe not all of it but definitely some of it. They also will see how crazy and narrow minded some of the people in the audience are.
    • Amber Ehrecke Tabangay I wasn’t able to watch it either. Going to see if I can watch it online this morning.
    • Christine Macdonald I’m watching now in anticipation and nervousness
    • Dayna you did such a good job and your demeanor was so calm and confident. The responses of the audience were ridiculous and it just goes to show what an emotional reaction the topic of parenting brings to those who have been abused in the past. It’s as if they have this need to defend their abusers. You did a great job of not engaging with people who you knew were unsalvageable. Kudos to you and I did feel your pain throughout some of the responses especially when they focused on bedtime for almost the entirety of the segment. How irrelevant.
    • Jose-Mojica Meaghen-Slade Wish I knew this earlier! Thought I missed it yesterday…but I missed it today instead lol
    • Heather Penza- Cherella · I watched yesterday! As always you were amazing. My husband watched also. He said it’s amazing how angry the other moms get. The others want to be right that’s about it. You, you were calm, authentic, & peaceful. Thank you for doing what you do!!!!

    • Abigail Clark Hidden so, I really feel like a LOT of audience members (maybe Bethenny too?!?) missed a huge opportunity to LEARN more about options/alternatives, no one asked relative questions, or editing didn’t leave them in?!?, like how does it work for the family as a whole, for each individual.. I was also disappointed that everyone seems to think ( not want to hear?!) that your lifestyle is 0 interaction/help/guidance/preparation/modeling etc .. speaking as a kid of a “strict” (albeit loving) upbringing, rules are useless. your kids are individuals, they will make their own choices/decisions (good and bad) regardless of what rules are crammed down their throats. My Mum asked me once (and I was NOT a “bad kid”), “what can we do different w/ your brother so as to not make the same mistakes w/ him, that we made w/ you?” *broke my heart*, even though it wasn’t intended to be hurtful, it was probably the worst thing anyone ever said to me, because I was trying to find my way, w/out all that guidance/rules/expectations/enforcement/punishment that I had grown up w/… . Because, I didn’t finish college, had multiple jobs, roommates, residences etc as a freshly “released” 18 year, on my own w/ out rules or someone to enforce them I was LOST…. I wonder if I had been allowed to struggle a little on my own… not been afraid to ask questions and speak my mind, if maybe things might have different ?!?! needs to be a WHOLE show dedicated to the subject, w/ complete picture of how it “works” ..
    • Melissa Tansey Maranda Thank you for being courageous enough to spread this message and plant seeds wherever you go amid scrutiny!
    • Lauren Zemla Falwell I saw you on the Bethenny Show yesterday here in Southern NH 
      You did Awesome!
      I love how calm you remain while everyone else appears to get riled. 
      Simple logic… Sometimes people just don’t see it. Sad.
    • Lauren Zemla Falwell Oh also… I loved the other woman’s comment on how when children aren’t prepared for going out into the world without structure …. All I could think was lady those kids have probably lived life up close and personal more than you could ever imagine…(bet she’s never been to Peru)
    • Margaret Ehlscheid Ohlwine what a cluster fuck! If it had been 2 on 1 – as those ladies sat next to me that would be one thing, not favorable odds, but doable, but to have EVERYONE against you was just plain wrong. It was a set up for ratings and nothing more. There was no fairness of discussion of a controversial topic – if they had even attempted that there would have been a panel of unschoolers against the audience. Too bad television has no justice. You held your own and did a good job. People are just not ready to hear a message that they perceive as an attack on their own parenting, even though it’s not. Good Job!
    • Linda Velwest Maybe I’m biased, but from what I saw, the people giving you a hard time seemed extremely ignorant and closed minded. And not listening to you. You looked great in comparison for sure
    • Annabel Park ·Watched it, loved it, shared it, had my home town friends have a HUGE debate upon the matter. Was very courageous of you despite their reactions. I’m sure you have a proud family.  x

    • I only saw a clip(I have no idea what Bethenny is or where to see it) but you were much calmer than I would have been. When they applauded for spanking it made me ill. Good job spreading the word
    • Carly Mara I watched and was on the edge of my seat. Dayna was the only person not raising her voice. People just don’t want to even try to understand, huge opportunity missed to learn and be open minded I felt. Funny how they couldn’t get passed Dayna’s children’s bedtimes! Move along people move along! 
      I’m proud to be on this path it’s waaaay cooler than where we were headed ️ :))))))
        
    • Stephanie Deneke · 

      Our daughter is 6 too. I think she was up until 3 last night lol
    • Jennifer Craig-Garner · My 6 year old goes to bed at 12:30 a.m. and wakes up at 10:30. She put herself on this schedule as an infant. We all have our own inner clock and respecting our children’s ‘bedtime clock’ makes life easier for everyone.

      Elisha Baldwin · I recorded the show and watchrd it this morning. My heart was pounding and i was fuming watching it. You are a stronger and calmer woman than I am! You did a wonderful job!!! And are an inspiration
    • Van Kiser Dayna, the same as my household of 8. I know what you encounter
    • Hayley Halloran-Clark I do not think they really let you answer questions fully.
    • Eric Butler I’d like to see the whole thing , and wow! People are so conditioned to the box that was created for them by our system they will literally argue its validity…
    • Exactly what I was thinking Eric. Reading thru the comments on the video reminded me of the reality that other people live in.

      Deibiddo Shirubāman · Dayna, i love the fact that you were willing to go on here and take on the statist zombie horde. I gotta give you a virtual high five for this one.
    • Lisa Reseter One Of the post on her page there was over 500 comments. Some of them were really mean.
    • Shannan Lea McCain I’ve had the same sleep schedule since a kid and I struggled to go to school at normal hours. It’s funny how there’s no judgement from night owls to early birds yet early birds are always quick to chime in on night owls. Why is either abnormal? If a family’s life, work & schedule works for them then it should not be criticized.
    • Daniel Bell Shannan, the answer is in this video clip. How do you think these peoples children are treated when they sleep in?
    • I couldn’t sit there and gracefully take that kind of baseless criticism. Dayna is hands down a saint. And thank goodness she exists, because someone needs to be saying this stuff!
    • Samantha Polizzi You must be the most patient person in the world.
    • Heather Ann There really is a point where most people just tangibly stop listening, isn’t there? 
      I’m kind of on the fence with respect to my own responses to things like this, but I am becoming aware that there is a huge difference between resisting your instincts and resisting your conditioning to societal expectations. 
      I just bought your book, btw.

      • Skylar Tobin Watching now. And it saddens me that people won’t open themselves up to understanding where you are coming from. You were beautiful and spoke eloquently…. And presented yourself and your views with love.. I’m so inspired by you, every time I see you or hear you speak! 

        They are clearly just being defensive because they didn’t understand, if they spent a week with you and your children in your home, it would all make sense to them.
      • Brandi Peters Yates I would watch it but I get upset when I see people trying to argue about whats normal and whats not in regards to parenting. It is like we have all have to conform to “what everybody else does”. Thank you Dayna for being a voice for peaceful parenting.
         
      • The Grass-Fed Anarchist From the comments on Bethennys page: “And, when you have a child who questions everything you do and does not feel they have to do what you say, with all the demands that are placed on teachers of criteria that must be taught, it takes away from being able to educate children. ” < this is exactly why my kids won’t be going to school. It’s not about the childs individual strengths and weaknesses, it’s not about finding their potential and nurturing it, it’s not about helping them develop their passions and truly learn. It’s about appeasing the school and meeting the “demands that are placed on teachers”. I don’t want a child who is trained not to question authority, I want a child who thinks for themselves, a child who is independent, self-sufficient, and innovative.
         
      • Wren Crimson Yikes! I am grateful for Dayna. By putting herself out there she inspired me. I admit, I could never be that brave. The world is sure full of “well-school” people, isn’t it? Grateful my child and family are free.
        Brandi Peters Yates More people should stand up for kids like Dayna!!
      • The Grass-Fed Anarchist My blood is boiling after hearing that women stand up and say your kids have no responsibilities and that they aren’t regarded as individuals because some kids need to be spanked.
      • Jennifer Bielen Saw the show, they really didn’t get it at all. Had the blonde on your right shut up long enough to let you finish a sentence maybe you could have had a chance to explain it all. What a closed mind! She took over the segment. Kudos for keeping your cool.
         
      • Victoria May Hilton I am so disgusted from things that they said on that page. I don’t know how you take all that naive rudeness all the time. They may think that 2am is crazy but to say such harsh things is so rude and so far from the truth. Thank you for following your heart because it helps people who would have never thought to do anything like you. But it’s just an extension of attachment parenting.
         
      • BrianSarah Lownsbery I cannot stop laughing at some of these comments! I do not think half of the people watched the show or know anything about you.
         
      • Michelle Tribble Mortensen Hi Dayna, I just watched your section on the show! You did a great job of being so respectful and calm! I could see the frustration mounting sometimes, but that’s only natural right? I also wanted to say that I’ve recently read your book, I’m totally new to unschooling, and this style of parenting, and the second I started reading the book I realized I’ve been wanting to hear this stuff all my life. It feels right and I know that’s where my instincts lie, and I’m very excited to have found you as advocate, among many others out there. Thanks for being outspoken and advocating!
               Allison Waters Dayna Martin, I love you. You represent unschoolers so wonderfully.

      • Jackie McGuire ·

        Dayna I LOVE that you never back down from your beliefs and principles that in itself is the kind of message that your children absorb just by being around you! No matter how hard people try to shake you, you stand strong and just oooze positivity!! You must be an such an amazing person to be around
         
      • John Everett ·

        The critics in the audience feel threatened by freedom (love & allowance). Acknowledging the truth would mean acknowledging that they themselves have been victimized by people who claimed they loved and cared for them.
         
      • Kati Mills that is what I see too, John. This happens a lot in debates about any parenting choice. I have made plenty of mistakes as a mother but I see it as a duty to my child to stay open-minded and admit them rather than trying to justify them. Not that things like bedtime or chores are a parenting “mistake”, but even acknowledging that they might not be necessary must be difficult for someone who has invested so much time and energy in them. My parents did a lot of things I would never do, but I neither waste time blaming them for my troubles, nor do I stand stubbornly by their decisions and insist on carrying them into the next generation. I just do the best I can and encourage others to do the same. I want my son to have as much freedom as possible, probably since I always felt unnecessarily controlled as a kid (again, not pointing fingers, it’s just the way things were for me). He is a good kid, and from his birth my instincts told me to start with trust, and it has worked for us so far.
      • Skylar Tobin That’s because we have your back, and the future generations back. You are amazing and a true inspiration!!!
    • Thanks to all of you for the support and desire for the world to understand Peaceful parenting and Unschooling!
      Much Love, Dayna

Comments

  1. Mellanie Parrish says:

    Dayna – Props to you for going on this show and putting yourself in that environment… AND for spreading the message of peaceful parenting. It takes a lot of inner strength to do what you do, and I admire that. My husband and I fully support peaceful parenting, and it’s how we want to raise our son (currently 4 months old). I’ve been trying to spread the peaceful parenting message–so far, mostly on my Facebook page–and it has been challenging, with many other mom’s who have older children and who support the authoritarian paradigm.

  2. Heather says:

    Okay, I think I got it. So if someone doesn’t go to bed at the time that YOU think their body should be tired, then they should be hit. 🙁 Keep doing what you’re doing, Dayna. There are many of us out here who understand not treating children like property, and realizing they are all unique with their own internal clocks and internal motivations. I got flustered just WATCHING those clips. I don’t know how you keep it together 🙂 ~Peace~

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