Without Freedom Children Make Unhealthy Choices

12646950_10153884621544836_6829990179256192054_nTo Trust Children You Must Trust Yourself

Children make good choices for themselves when supported by a connected and loving parent who doesn’t use their child’s freedom as a tool to control them. When children trust their parents, they *believe them* when they give them information. When there is no power-struggle, children know there is no ulterior motive by a parent and true connection and trust are the foundation of the relationship.

When a parent punishes, threatens, limits and controls their children, all issues center around fear as the backdrop. Children will make choices that aren’t healthy or balanced in an attempt to grasp at some sense of freedom in their lives. This is a natural, instinctual drive to be free that will override all else which becomes the driving force within a child, coming before health, balance and wellness.

When we threaten freedom in children, they can never truly be *Whole* people. When freedom is threated, it warps the human condition. A loving, connected parent who doesn’t force, manipulate or punish a child has much more influence in a child’s life than a parent in an authoritative/authoritarian role. Living without punishments and threats of freedom being lost, children are safer, healthier and can find true balance in all that they do, be it food, sleep, technology, hygiene, their connection to nature and their relationships. The biggest issues that parents deal with today are *profoundly* affected by how our culture tells them to parent. Parents cause the problems, but rarely see how or why.

Authoritarian parents usually deny this fact, claiming that fear and control are their biggest tools to ensure their child’s safety and health. They feel that their children can’t be trusted , but they have never tried a more respectful, peaceful way. They scream “neglect!” and “lazy!” to parents who are patient enough to not let fear control them. They were probably never trusted as children, themselves, so they have no idea what it feels like. They are sadly mistaken and the warping of the human condition as a result of such tactics, take a lifetime to recover from – if ever.

So, to you parents brave enough to be called, “neglectful” and “lazy” for not using fear, manipulation, control or punishments as the central focus of your lives and relationship with your children, know you aren’t taking the easy path. It takes great strength to focus on the needs of your children, and not merely focus on controlling their behavior. It takes great confidence to walk with trust and instinct as your guide. It take incredible patience to find ways to parent with peace honoring the needs of your children with respect. It takes powerful love to care more what your children think of you, than what the world thinks of you.

Know that there is no way to do this without judgment from others. You will be ridiculed. You will be accused. You will be misunderstood. You will be called a “bad parent.” Just know that I, for one, will always have you back. You are never alone on this journey. Hold your head high knowing that you are a pioneer, paving the way for future generations. Keep on shining your light for others. It will be accepted, in time.

~Peace & Love, Dayna


  1. Dayna,
    Thank you for your wise words. It can feel so lonely walking a path less traveled, and then I read your inspirational note of love and feel filled with joy that the world is transforming before our very eyes. Parents are awakening, and seeing that each being is filled with their own unique light to offer the world! We are not here to squelch their light but to provide an environment for that light to shine brighter and bolder. So thank you.

  2. This is the first time I’m reading anything that contradicts the “authoritarian” style of parenting that I grew up with and seem to be repeating in my own parenting style. This concept is very new to me but this post has really touched my heart. Our children are so precious and unfortunately being the product of fear-based parenting does take a lifetime to overcome (if we’re even made aware of it). Really great post. My wife and I will be looking into this style of parenting and actively seeking ways to give our kids the freedom they deserve.

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