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Kim Constable Interviews Dayna Martin – September, 2014

Kim Constable:
Hi, everyone! Welcome to a very special interview. Today, I’m thrilled to bring you someone truly inspiring. If you haven’t heard, next weekend is the Peaceful Parenting and Natural Learning Conference in Peterborough, England, at The Crescent on September 6th. I’ve been invited to speak at this incredible event, and I couldn’t be more excited. Joining me today is the event’s organizer, the amazing Dayna Martin. Hi, Dayna!

Dayna Martin:
Hi, Kim! Thank you so much for having me.

Kim:
It’s an absolute pleasure. I really wanted to do this interview because I want everyone to connect with you, hear your incredible message, and come to the conference. To give everyone some background, here’s Dayna’s professional bio:

Dayna is the author of Radical Unschooling: A Revolution Has Begun and Sexy Birth. She’s a world-renowned advocate for unschooling and peaceful parenting, and she’s been featured on Dr. Phil, Nightline, Fox News, The Bethenny Show, 60 Minutes, and more. She even appeared on Wife Swap! Dayna travels the world speaking about unschooling, parenting, and how to create happier, more abundant lives.

She lives in New Hampshire, USA, with her husband Joe and their four children: Devin (16), Tiffany (13), Ivy (9), and Orion (6). Her kids have never been to school and have never been punished. Instead, they are thriving, running businesses, advocating for freedom and children’s rights, respecting the environment, and developing a lifelong love of learning.

Dayna:
Thank you, Kim! Hearing my bio read out always feels surreal. I never planned to become an advocate for this lifestyle—it all happened so naturally after I became a mom. Before having kids, I couldn’t have imagined speaking publicly, let alone traveling the world to share this message. But when you’re passionate about something, you realize it’s not about you—it’s about the message.

Kim:
I couldn’t agree more. Let’s dive in. Can you explain what unschooling is? It’s a term many people aren’t familiar with, and it’s one of the questions I get asked the most.

Dayna:
Of course! Unschooling is essentially living life as though school doesn’t exist. It’s a philosophy of natural learning where education happens organically, driven by the child’s interests and passions.

I have a love-hate relationship with the term “unschooling” because it focuses on what we don’t do, rather than what we do. It doesn’t mean a lack of education—it’s about redefining education. It’s not doing school at home or following a set curriculum. Instead, it’s about prioritizing family connection and fostering an environment where learning happens naturally through life experiences.

Radical unschooling goes a step further. It’s both an educational philosophy and a parenting paradigm. On one hand, it allows children freedom in their education. On the other hand, it challenges the authoritarian parenting model most of us grew up with, replacing it with a partnership-based dynamic where everyone’s needs are respected equally.

Kim:
I love that. But I know some people might be thinking, “If you’re not punishing or controlling your kids, aren’t they just running wild?” What do you say to that?

Dayna:
That’s such a common misconception. People often assume that if you’re not punishing, you’re permissive or neglectful. In reality, it’s the opposite. Parenting in a partnership paradigm is incredibly hands-on. Punishments and rules are often replacements for being truly present with your children.

Instead of focusing on behavior modification, I focus on the needs driving my children’s behavior. This approach fosters trust and connection. When kids feel seen, heard, and respected, they naturally cooperate and thrive. It’s not about control—it’s about guiding and supporting them as they grow.

Kim:
It’s so powerful. But let me play devil’s advocate for a moment. How will kids raised this way learn to handle real-life responsibilities, like getting up for work or meeting deadlines, if they’re never forced to do things as children?

Dayna:
Great question! The idea that children need to be forced to prepare for adulthood is based on a misconception. Traditional schooling conditions kids to accept drudgery and compliance as a normal part of life. They’re trained to jump through hoops, follow orders, and tolerate unhappiness, all while waiting for some distant future reward.

My kids don’t have that conditioning. They’ve been raised to pursue their passions and create joyful, meaningful lives. They’d never accept a job they hated because they’ve never been taught that misery is a natural part of life.

For example, brushing their teeth isn’t something I have to force—they do it because it feels good and makes sense. This same principle applies to all aspects of life. When kids are trusted and respected, they develop intrinsic motivation and self-regulation.

Kim:
I love that. Let’s talk about bedtimes, which is a hot topic for parents. Many people struggle with letting go of control in this area. How do you approach it?

Dayna:
None of my kids have ever had a bedtime. Instead, they go to bed when they’re tired and wake up when they’re rested. There’s a natural rhythm to our days that unfolds organically.

When families first let go of bedtimes, there’s often a period of adjustment where kids might stay up later than usual. This is completely normal—it’s like a pendulum swinging before it finds balance. Over time, kids learn to tune into their bodies and recognize when they’re tired.

For parents who need to wake their kids up for school or other obligations, I recommend giving them as much freedom as possible on weekends or holidays. The key is to respect their natural rhythms while providing the information they need to make healthy choices.

Kim:
That’s such great advice. One thing I’ve noticed with my kids is that they naturally follow my lead. If I head to bed with a book, they’ll often snuggle up beside me and fall asleep quickly. It’s such a connected, peaceful experience.

Dayna:
Exactly! Kids crave connection. When you create an environment of trust and closeness, everything flows more naturally.

Kim:
Before we wrap up, let’s talk about the conference. What can people expect if they attend?

Dayna:
This conference is a deep dive into everything we’ve touched on today—and much more. We’ll explore how to implement unschooling and peaceful parenting in real, practical ways. Topics include what to do instead of punishments or rewards, how to facilitate learning without a curriculum, and how to build trust-based relationships with your kids.

We have incredible speakers lined up, including Kim herself, who brings a unique perspective as someone who transitioned into this lifestyle after starting with a more traditional approach. Plus, we’ll have workshops, activities for kids, and plenty of opportunities to connect with other like-minded families.

Kim:
It sounds amazing. I hope everyone watching will join us. Dayna, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and experiences.

Dayna:
Thank you, Kim! It’s been a joy to chat with you, and I can’t wait to see everyone at the conference.

Kim:
Thanks, everyone, for watching. All the event details and links to Dayna’s resources will be below this video. See you at the conference!


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2014


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