Audience Member 1:
“My three-year-old loves watching Paw Patrol all day and is always asking for candy. I worry that if I keep a lot of candy at home, he’ll eat nothing else, and he doesn’t want to go outside to play. How do I handle this without creating unhealthy habits?”
Dayna Martin:
“The key here is freedom. All humans, including children, have an innate desire for freedom, and when it’s denied, they tend to focus on what’s restricted. This can lead to a warped relationship with whatever is being controlled—whether it’s candy, technology, or even TV.
That said, complete freedom also requires trust and comfort on your part as a parent. You need to feel at peace with what you’re allowing. For example, I started small with what I was comfortable with, gradually building trust between myself and my children. We did something called ‘freedom shopping,’ where each child had their own small cart and could pick what they wanted within a budget.
You don’t need to overwhelm yourself or your child by bringing in massive amounts of candy. Instead, start with small amounts, pair it with other nutritious options, and watch how their choices evolve. Over time, they’ll develop balance because they’ll trust that they have the freedom to choose.”
Audience Member 2:
“My wife isn’t fully on board with unschooling, and it’s causing tension. I see the value, but I don’t want to create conflict in our partnership. How do I navigate this?”
Dayna Martin:
“It’s common for one partner to have more reservations, especially when stepping into a completely new paradigm like unschooling. The best way forward is through open, respectful communication. Avoid trying to force your partner into agreement—it’s counterproductive. Instead, approach them with curiosity. Share what you’ve noticed about your children’s happiness or challenges and ask for their perspective.
You can also invite them to explore unschooling with you by reading books, watching videos, or attending events. However, remember that even if only one parent adopts this approach, your children will still benefit immensely. Lead by example and let your family see the joy and connection this way of life fosters.”
Audience Member 3:
“Do you ever try to influence your children, even indirectly, to encourage them to learn or make healthy choices?”
Dayna Martin:
“I don’t coerce or force my children into anything, but I do influence them in natural, consensual ways. For instance, I might leave out puzzles, books, or art supplies that align with their interests. When they were younger, I’d leave out ingredients for recipes and suggest making something together.
Influence happens through example, conversation, and facilitation. For example, if a child is interested in cooking, I’ll provide tools, ingredients, and guidance. This doesn’t mean directing them but offering resources and support. The key is trust—trusting that they’ll make good choices when given freedom and information.”
Audience Member 4:
“My kids often refuse to eat the meals I work hard to prepare. It’s frustrating and feels unappreciated. How should I handle this?”
Dayna Martin:
“First, recognize that this struggle often stems from the way we were conditioned as children. Many of us were taught that mealtime is about respect, gratitude, or compliance. This can lead to taking it personally when kids don’t want to eat what we’ve made.
Instead, consider shifting your perspective. Ask your children for input on meal planning. You can also try offering food in a fun, non-pressured way. For example, use a muffin tin to present small portions of different snacks. Let them graze and make choices without the formality of a sit-down dinner.
It’s also important to let go of the idea that family connection must revolve around meals. My family connects in many ways—playing games, talking, or just spending time together. Mealtime doesn’t have to be the centerpiece of connection.”
Audience Member 5:
“I share custody with my ex, and my children have a hard time transitioning between households. It feels like I’m fighting against a completely different environment. How do I navigate this?”
Dayna Martin:
“Transitions between households can be challenging, but children are incredibly adaptive. The key is communication. Talk openly with your kids about the differences between homes, and approach it with compassion. Let them know it’s okay to adjust and that it’s normal to have different rules in different places.
Also, focus on being a stable, compassionate presence. Even if the other household operates differently, you can still create a safe and loving environment in your home. Kids are resilient, and as they grow, they’ll value the partnership-based approach you’ve created.”
Audience Member 6:
“My kids spend a lot of time on technology, and I worry it’s unhealthy. Should I limit it?”
Dayna Martin:
“The judgment around technology often stems from societal conditioning. If your child was deeply focused on a book or painting, you’d likely feel proud. But because they’re using a screen, it’s seen as negative.
True freedom means allowing your child to explore technology without limits while providing guidance and information. For instance, my kids and I discuss the importance of balance, like taking breaks to stretch or rest their eyes. Since they’re not limited or controlled, they can tune into their bodies and recognize when they’ve had enough.
The biggest issue arises when technology is restricted or judged. Children internalize that judgment and may develop an unhealthy relationship with it. Trust your kids to find balance, and be a supportive guide rather than an enforcer.”
Closing Remarks:
“The most common fears parents have—whether about food, technology, or behavior—often stem from limiting and controlling those very things. Trust and freedom are transformative. When you let go of control, you allow your children to build a healthy, balanced relationship with everything in their lives.
Thank you all for your thoughtful questions. I hope this inspires you to trust yourself, your children, and this incredible journey of unschooling.”